Showing posts with label Injury. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Injury. Show all posts

Thursday, March 17, 2011

13 Things

1. Pulled tendons.
2. Micro tear in calf.
3. Probable Heel Spur.
4. Possible Plantar Fasciitis.
5. Can't go barefoot...ever again.
6. I get tortured twice a week with Active Release Therapy.
7. It literally brings me to tears.
8. But today, for the first time since 5 March, I am walking without a limp.
9. Haven't been able to swim, bike, or run for over a week.
10. And can't for another week.
11. Which gets me to the day before National Marathon.
12. Should I run it?
13. Do I dare?

Thursday, March 10, 2011

13 on time!

1. Weight – I’m going the wrong way. I was thinking today that I lost a lot when I first joined Team Z, and the next year when I was training for Ironman. Then I realized I was working out six days a week, often twice a day. Maybe that is why I lost weight.

2. Exercise –
See above. My run this weekend was slow and steady. Issues with my calf/ankle/Achilles and now heel and back pain cut my Monday run short.

3. Injured?! –
See above. Now this whole calf/ankle/Achilles/heel/back pain (I think it is all related) is cutting into my swim. Only lasted half of practice this morning before my back was hurting too bad to continue. Time to see Dr. Tara and get this fixed!

4. T.E.A.M. Steel Wheels – Letters and bribery went out yesterday and I’ve raised $340 in 24 hours. 70 emails went out last night – wish me luck. So far I have 2 dinners and 2 baked goods to make. DONATE HERE!

5. Personal Hell at the Office 1 – It’s raining. A LOT! And apparently my window leaks. When it hits the windowsill it splatters to the back of my neck. FUN!

Then there’s a car parked outside my office where the alarm goes off ALL F-ING DAY! Oh, it shuts off and I start to think joyful thoughts, then within 60 seconds it starts again. We have NO IDEA who owns this car. I swear they’re stealth!

6. My Back – is KILLING me! And Dr. Tara’s office doesn’t open until 3, then I have to make an appointment. Fingers crossed she can squeeze me in today.

7. Musselman – House is booked! Looking forward to a relaxing weekend on the lake. Oh, and the Half-Ironman. And goofing around at the Micro-Mussell (watch out Iron-Cat)!

8. House Update – Sunday is our full day at the “This is What You Get” Center. I mean Design Center. I’m thinking Bailey’s in my coffee, a liquid lunch, and maybe some Vicoden is required to survive this trip.

9. Rental Property – My place is on the rental market. I’ve had four people look and one is semi-interested but she doesn’t want to move in until the end of May. At this rate, it may still be available!

10. Personal Hell at the Office 2 – The cafeteria is at the other end of the lobby from where I sit. In the morning I get to smell bacon – salty, wonderful bacon. About an hour before lunch they start baking cookies – sweet decadent cookies. It takes ALL of my will power to not succumb to these temptations!

11. Vacation (I mean very important work meeting) – I’ve arranged a business trip to Denver next month. I love having employees out there, especially during the end of ski season. I mean Performance Review time.

12. Netflix – Dude found Netflix streaming. I’m afraid we will never leave the couch again! We’re in the middle of Season 3 of the show 24 (I didn’t start watching until the final season). It’s hokey…but strangely addicting.

13. New Blog – Tri To Cook! Check it out!!

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

I Need A Vacation...

In case you have been living in a cave, the Northern VA area has been hit with snow. And by hit, I mean CLOSED FIST PUNCH TO THE SIDE OF THE HEAD.

2 Ft+ over the weekend and expect another 2 Ft tonight.

Are You Fricking Kidding Me?!?!

On a pretty note, here are two of my favorite pictures that Dude has taken this weekend:




Rewind to Thursday I started to feel sick (Dude was sick Mon/Tue). Worked 1/2 day Thurs then from home on Friday. Ventured out for groceries on Friday - who knew milk and frozen pizza are survival items for snow weekends?!

Friday evening did the pre shovel - about 6 inches at 9pm.

Got up Saturday and went to shoveling. About four shovels in my back was aching (remember it was hurt a couple weeks ago). Fifth shovel I heard two loud pops (not to be confused with the typical cracking of my old ass bones) and both legs went numb. If I wasn't holding the shovel I would have went down. I spent the rest of Saturday and Sunday in bed in a whole lot of pain. Luckily, my back was hurting a couple weeks ago so I had some leftover drugs to self-medicate (and I may not be a doctor but I watch them on TV and low and behold come Monday I was feeling a lot better). Not 100% by any means, but hey, I'm out of bed and able to move.

Monday I worked from home...again. Oh, and I made some INCREDIBLE crab-filled homemade raviolis. Love my pasta machine!

Tuesday - worked from home again. I can get out and I could go to work but Dude can't work from home. See, he drives an Austin Mini (no, he's not gay) and the people parked next to him decided to dump their snow against and in front of his car. So, he gets my SUV until...Spring.

You have noticed no mention of workouts. Well, I've been watching the Team email and all those NOT living in the sticks have been sharing their apartment/condo gyms, getting to pools, using their trainers, etc. And what have I been doing?

Sitting on my ass doing a lot of nothing.

And I almost feel guilty about it!

Come on Mother Nature - Is This All You Got?!

Thursday, December 31, 2009

Year in Review (Thursday 13)


January – Ran my first 20 mile. Also had a wonderful trip to Colorado with Dude (pic) to do some skiing and snowshoeing.




February – First marathon and Jason and I ran every step (pic). We did miss the 5-hour goal by 3 minutes but c'est la vie. Most important though, there was a new addition to my family. Penny arrived on 7 Feb at just over 18 pounds (pic).

March – Big training month and finally back to riding outdoors (pic). Unfortunately the weather never agreed so the riding was miserable (you can't tell in the pic but it was cold). I also started getting a sport massages every other week and bought a bunch of gear during March!

April – Race season has begun - Cherry Blossom 10 miler (pic) and Rumpass in the Bumpass (still the best named triathlon) – had a blast on the Olympic relay, serious fail with the sprint. This was not the best training month in terms of performance but I got it done.

May – First 70.3…and I got injured (pic). YIKES! Took some down time, then eased back into training. In other news – I planned and arranged our post Ironman vacation to Lake Como, Italy.

June – Second 70.3 and it was Awesome! (Sang in a high pitched voice) (pic). Then came the final long days of training and the expected angst leading up to race day. That angst turned into an odd calm as THE day got closer.


July – I AM AN IRONMAN!
Oh, and I had a fabulous vacation to Lake Como (pic).




August - Basked in the glow of being an IRONMAN. Also did some local exploring and found some incredible places. Due to those finds, I cooked a lot this month (pic). Dude and I also went to Pennsylvania for a Metric Century and I even managed to get some marathon training in.

September – Two firsts this month – my first Olympic distance tri (other two I participated in either cut the swim or turned into Duo) and my first 10K run. Decided not to do Marine Corp marathon. Highlight of the month was going home and hangin' with my highschool friends (pic).



October – PID set in…BAD! Barely trained, hell, I barely exercised. I also cut out a lot of socializing. I injured my jaw and I think I spent most of the month in pain and depressed.

November – PID still there - Depression sucks!! Managing to do some exercising on my own and a little bit of socializing. On the positive side, Dude and I have decided to buy a house together – but it will be awhile until we are living in sin - must sell two places before buying one.


December – Typical in that there were a lot of parties (pic), socializing, eating and not a lot of exercising. Developed my New Plan. Had a massive snowstorm on my birthday weekend. Celebrated Christmas with Dude and his family. And am planning a quiet evening to bring in the New Year.



Plans for 2010 are in the works. Continuing with “The Plan”, increase training with Team Z, a couple races, selling/buying a house, try to squeeze a vacation in, work on 101 in 1001, and enjoying the happiness I’ve found with Dude.

I wish everyone a safe and Happy New Year!

Bring it 2010!

Friday, September 11, 2009

Friday Fourteen (Thursday Thirteen with a penalty)

1. Today is the anniversary of 9/11 and there is still a raw sadness. There is also an intense anger at those responsible. In addition to remembering the tragedy today I also find myself ever so thankful for all of the joy in my life.

2. I feel anything I write after that will seem trivial but the list must go on.

3. I DO have a lot to be thankful for. I have a great job, my health, my family, Dude (*sigh), and some really great friends.

4. I deferred my Marine Corp Marathon entry until next year. My tendon needs a break.

5. That said, I will probably do the Shamrock Marathon in VA Beach in March and Marine Corp in October of 2010.

6. I’m doing Nation’s Tri on Sunday and have not trained one iota for it. It’s “just an Oly” but shall we revisit my RumpASS Sprint experience. This could be UGLY!

7. Nation’s is a PAIN IN THE ASS! You must attend a race briefing the day before. You have to rack your bike the day before. There’s no parking. They let 6,000, yes that’s 6,000!, people in the race. I have an hour wait before my swim wave start. NEVER AGAIN!

8. Another reason to love fall – BOOTS! I see a visit to DSW in my near future!

9. I’m still trying to figure out the hub-bub about Obama’s Back to School speech. The only thing I can come up with is it’s “those” parents that take offense to someone (anyone) saying a child is responsible for their own success.
***Enter sarcasm*** What a horrible concept! I mean, that’s putting way too much pressure on the children - robbing them of their childhood even. ***Exit sarcasm***

10. I bought a Sonicare toothbrush about a month ago and I LOVE IT!!! It has the 2-minute timer that beeps every 30 seconds so you spend the same amount of time on each tooth section. Get one!

11. I really hate the food in our cafeteria but I’m too lazy to pack my lunch and if I do bring my lunch I’m too lazy to heat it up.

12. Still struggling with the weight thing - combination of number 4 and 10 on this list. I need motivation people!!!!

13. It was great to go ride with Team Z last weekend - I’ve missed them. Maybe that should be my motivation!

14. My job has been crazy busy for going on 3 weeks now (don’t tell anyone, I kind of like it)!

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

A for Effort, A- for Completion

This past weekend was it - THE long weekend of training. THE weekend that everyone says once you complete it you feel ready for Ironman. Yes, it was the 20(mile run)/120(mile bike) weekend.

I had discussed the training for this weekend with both Coach Ed and PT Kerry. Because I have been sidelined with that stupid injury I've been lacking in the distance training. The longest I've run is 15 miles (back in April), recently 13.1 during races. For riding, the longest EVER was 90 miles, again back in April I was concerned about going the full 20/120 without building up to it. Coach Ed recommended running in 1 hour increments up to 3 hours (at my pace that would be a close to 16 miles). For the bike he recommended going for the 62 mile loop, then the 30, then add an out & back to get to around 100 miles (if I was feeling up to it). And Kerry agreed with these parameters.

I listened. Really I did. But then I did what I felt I was up to.

Saturday - Due to some delays and road blocks, Jason and I ended up running from Hain's Point - our typical National Mall routes. We had a plan of running for 4 hours. I made it to about 3 1/4 hours when I started to notice my tendon and decided once I got back to the car I was done for the day. In the end, I ran for 3 1/2 hours and covered about 17.5 miles. Jason continued to run for the full 4 hours - way to go bud!

Off to the Italian Store for subs, then I headed to Dude's 7-year old nephews birthday party (Love those boys but Oh. My. Dear. God. Not recommended after a long run!), then another birthday party which I left early cause I was sleepy!

Sunday - Instead of doing the team ride, we went out to the Cambridge, MD to ride the Eagleman course. This would give us a flat ride, plus we could cheer on fellow teammates racing in the event. We did our first 50 mile loop in the reverse direction as the race and finished in under three hours ride time. Quick refill and headed out for the second 50 mile loop, this time in the direction of the race. UGH! Headwinds. For about 20 miles. Got back to the beginning of the loop and Robin called it quits. Her knee was bothering her but a HUGE congrats goes out to her - this was her FIRST ride over 70 miles!!!. I really wanted to get the additional 20 miles in so Jason and I headed back out. We only did an additional 11 miles though - it had been a long day and Jason just wanted to stop. Oh well, 111 miles - still a record for me.

So, the agenda called for 140 miles, I put in 128.5. That's 91.8% of the workout and in most colleges, that equates to an A-. I'm good with that. Most importantly - I really do feel ready for IMS and I'm looking toward 12 July with excitement not trepidation!

As a follow-up - Monday I wasn't sore but I was EXHAUSTED. I worked from home and napped for about 5 hours off and on. I was worried about not being able to sleep Monday night, but 8 hours later I was refreshed. Now it's 7 hours since I woke up and I could use a nap!

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Mooseman 70.3 Race Report

Updated with pictures.
Note 1 – You will learn nothing from this race report but it's filled with exclamation points! (See)
Note 2 – I’ve mentioned before, I cuss a lot during races. Truth be told, I cuss a lot. Where you see F-xxx I actually said the real word…probably very loud.

When I signed up for this race my goal was to “…perfect my plans and to beat my Kinetic time.” But then I got injured. My new goals were to go easy until it hurt, bow out and drink margaritas. OK, that’s what I was told to do. Truth be told, I went in with the same goals as Kinetic: ultra-stretchy goal was 6:30, real goal 7:00, and worst case 8:00:01 (after cut-off).

Friday: Drove, and drove, and drove. 15 F-ing hours - in the rain! Dude and I stopped talking after 12 hours (we’re over “it” now (whatever "it" was, neither of us remember). But I did love the texts that I was getting from my housemates. F-ers!

Saturday: Went and watched part of the Oly then headed out to do a brick. All went well, no pain. We went to grab a beer and appetizers and at some point Jason asked me if I had thoughts about next year. I said I’m never doing F-ing Ironman again. I wasn’t having fun anymore! I use to love training/racing and it just sucked now and I may never race again, etc., etc., etc. Then they all laughed at me. F-ers!

Dude and I went to drive the course (apparently 15 hours in the car the day before wasn’t enough) and that’s when I really started getting worried. It is a F-ing Hilly Course. I haven’t rode hills since Kinetic. How the F was I suppose to finish this race. I was in a panic. Back to the house, dinner, bed time and I actually cried myself to sleep worrying about the race and ultimately Ironman.

Race Day: Woke up early had a bagel and PB and headed to the course. Set up transition, hung out, then headed for the water to “warm up”. At my wave start they started playing my favorite running songs “Stronger” by Kanye West. "That, that, that, that that don't kill me can only make me stronger".

Swim: 38:53
One minute slower then Kinetic. I blame it on this being one of my crookedest swims in a long time, I couldn’t find any clear spots and in the final 500 meters or so, someone grabbed my right calf and my whole leg cramped up. I tried to kick to get rid of the cramp and my left leg cramped. Not a good feeling even for someone who doesn’t kick during the swim. Out of the water, out of the wetsuit (never thought I’d utter these words “strippers rock”!), and into transition.

T1: 4:23
Stripped down and got in my cycling outfit then helped the lady next to me get into her tri top. I use to be speedy in transitions, now my goal in 5 minutes or less.

Bike: 3:33:38
AWESOME
F-ING
RIDE!
Yes the course is hilly, and I have no idea how/what I did, but I had a great ride(by my standards)! Stayed in Zone 2 except when I passed the Team Z cheering sections, then it shot up to Zone 4. I did drop my chain…3 F-ing times…and sailors would have blushed had they heard me. All in all, I felt great, ate/drank every 15 minutes as planned (going to change this to drink every 10 min, eat every 20), and had a max speed of 38.3. At some point in the last loop I realized I was going to be close to the 3:30 time and I was ecstatic! Needless to say, I came into transition with the biggest smile on my face! Dare I say it…I, yes I, had fun on the bike!

T2: 4:29
Again, full change from bike shorts to compression shorts. This was the first tri that I put on the calf sleeves so that took a bit of time. I also had to put on my tiara but I don’t think that took more then a second!


Run: 2:25:34
And I’m off! Ran out of transition, up past the roar of cheers from the Team Z crowd. Coach Ed yells at me “are you ok?” I yell back, “I’m not OK, I’m F-ing AWESOME”!

Then my shins seized up. I walked for 2 minutes and started running again. Ahh, much better. Ran for 10 minutes and implemented the 2 minute walk break. During this I decided I felt GREAT. F-it, I’m running the rest of this race!
And I did!
Including the hills!
And I negative split!
And I never felt a niggling of pain in my tendon!
Awesome! (Sang in a high pitched voice)

Finish: 6:46:57
I came down the hill, across the beach (SUCKED), stopped and hugged “Boobs”, and entered the chute. I saw Dude taking pictures, gave a thumbs up, and just Could. Not. Stop. Smiling. Got past the announcer, turned around, and moonwalked over the finish line. Not quite the striptease that Mary did but I did my best.

Dude found me, gave me a big hug and I told him I’m having fun again! Then proceeded to smile for the next 7 hours.

THIS WAS EXACTLY THE RACE I NEEDED!!!!! For the first time, I’m excited and looking forward to Ironman!

Monday, June 1, 2009

Pain Free, but...

So, since last Wed I've been able to get the workouts in. Granted, since we are on recovery week they were Easy pace or Zone 2 workouts but still. I had success over the weekend with a 6 mile run, 30 mile bike ride and my first 2 mile swim with NO PAIN WHAT-SO-EVER!!


So I went to see my Physical Therapist this morning and as she's torturing my tendon - she calls is a soft tissue massage - I innocently ask if I can start speed work. NO. Can I do hills? NO.

Apparently I'm at that stage where everyone gets re-injured. I feel good so I feel like I should be able to full out again. But NO, I'm still in Zone 2/Easy workouts and no hills.

This should make the Mooseman 70.3 interesting considering there is 3,416 ft of climbing in that 56 miles! This went from a B race to a D- race - any pulling on the tendon and I'm calling it quits and heading for the margarita tent. Mmmm, margaritas. I think I feel my tendon pulling already!

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Killin' Me

So, I’m officially injured – pulled tendons behind my left knee.

It started here, destroyed my Half Ironman here, and since then I’ve done basically nothing!

I took all of last week off (other then swimming) because I was hoping it would be enough rest so I could do the weekend events: 18 mile run (my plan was 10) the 100 mile bike ride. Well, my 10 mile run turned into 4.5 mile run/walk. I then went to get my bike adjusted and the 10 minutes of spinning for the fit left me laid up for the rest of the day knowing full well I could not ride the next day. I did sag the ride for the team and I think I picked a good week to miss! There were crazy winds, a detour of hills, and confusion with the cue sheet – a true test of will for my Team Z peeps!

I had an appointment on Monday with Kerri at FastTrack Physical Therapy and Sports Performance and sure enough I woke up and the knee didn’t hurt that bad. Well, I had to give her something to work with so I jumped on the trainer for 20 minutes, then went for a 10 minute run – just enough to inflame the injury. I’m now under strict rules – icing, stretching, a couple of other exercises, a little bit of flat-footed shuffle running and FLAT rides (Hain’s Point or the trainer – no hills). Oh, and I can swim and lift weights. Minimum of two weeks of this and then hopefully I will be able to actually compete at Mooseman 70.3 and still be healthy for the big 20/120 weekend the 13/14 June.

I’m fully on-board with this plan because I know I have to get healthy but it is KILLING ME!

Mainly because when it comes to IMS...

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

All things being equal...

...I had a great weekend!

but first, my perseverance quote for the week:
You must have long term goals to keep you from being frustrated by short term failures. ~Charles C. Noble

Saturday was a jam-packed day. The plan was to get my bike fit (check), go on a long run with Jason (check), open water swim at Jason's lake (nope), run home to shower/change (check), see Dude for a little bit (check), then head to Alexandria for the Team Z Ironman party (check). Also had to add a trip to Conte's, a stem install, and a trip back to the bike fit.

The Bike Fit - HIGHLY HIGHLY HIGHLY recommend Steve at 90 Revolutions for the Medical Bike Fit. It started with a strength and flexibility assessment. Then the static bike fit where the bulk of the adjustments were made. Once that was done, he video taped my pedaling and made the final adjustments. All in all it took about 3 1/2 hours and was worth every minute. He raised the seat almost 2 inches (more on that later), I had to get inserts for my shoes, wedges, and a new stem (go figure since the seat was raised so much)!

The Run: The route Jason came up was through his hilly, hilly neighborhood. I tested the run/walk after the first 20 minutes and overall we were about 30 seconds slower per mile which I think that was a mix of the run/walk and all of the hills. Legs felt great at the end and I enjoyed the run for the first time in a long time.

No time to swim (but time for a beer) then rushed home to shower, see Dude, then rush back to get my bike looked at with the new stem.

The Party: Showed up 2 hours late (2nd trip to the fitter), missed the group photo but really enjoyed seeing everyone, meeting new people, hearing tales of Ironman past, training ideas, and Pete's funny stories.

Headed home for some much needed sleep. Whew - what a Saturday!

Sunday - Headed out at 0615 for Riley's Lock - it was overcast and drizzling but 60 degrees. Started the ride with Jason (!) and Joanna (!) so yes, I was a little faster with the new fitting and tire not rubbing. Before the first hill I told Jason I was going to have to adjust the seat after the ride because I could feel the pull behind my knee. Stuck with them until I got caught in traffic. Rode with Matt Wolfe (!) and KC (new guy I met at the party) to the first rest stop.

By now the rain was coming down hard and the temperature had dropped. Headed out again and the knee was progressively getting worse.
Mile 19-25: "hmm, this is starting to really ache"
Mile 25-39: "ow, ow, ow" New plan: Go to the mile 71 rest stop and get a ride
Mile 39-44 "holy hell, this fricking hurts" - ignored the detour signs and soon found out the bridge was out. Had to head back up the hill to follow the detour. New new plan = go 60 miles and stop/catch a ride
Mile 44-50 (rest stop) "Expletive, expletive, expletive" - Jason and Matt saw the pain in my face and declared my cycling day DONE! Bought a hot coffee, warmed up in Susan's car, caught a ride back with Ed (and 4 others).

Lessons learned:
Nutrition was spot on - drank even when I wasn't thirsty and even took in extra calories because of the cold.
When you need to make an adjustment - make it! My day would have been completely different had I done that.
There's a thin line between training for mental toughness and stupidity. Thank goodness Matt and Jason stopped me because I'm an idiot and I would have kept going (all the while saying to myself "It's IRONman not SISSYman") and would have ended up injured.
Know thy body and listen to it!

I was disappointed that I didn't complete the ride but looking back it was the best decision. Concentrating on the positive - I did do 50 miles on an extremely hilly course, in the cold and rain. Other then the other crazy Team Z peeps how many other people would do that?!

Monday, November 10, 2008

Ready for more recovery

Week Five continued…
The good news is the shoulder is not broken. Pulled, sprained, pinched – whatever. The constant ache is now intermittent. I ran 12 miles on Sat and it hurt but not to the level of the beginning of the week. I decided to skip the bike on Sun just to get a bit more rest.

I did get Ruby fixed this week. When the chain broke it got stuck on the front derailleur and bent it so that had to be replaced. Of course, they didn’t have a 105 derailleur so I upgraded to the Ultegra model. Still haven’t ridden to see if I notice a difference.

So, the only training I did was the run. I felt good during and after. I do need to learn (and do) more hip flexor exercises. Next week is recovery week. I have Tuesday off of work so I’m going to do ½ of the bike ride that I missed on Sunday. Still going to skip the swim but will keep up with the running.

TTFN.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

I'm not a kid anymore!!!

Week Four/Week Five:
This week’s blog brought to you by Toys R Us – Apparently I don’t want to grow up!

Build week – blah, blah, blah. I trained hard through Sunday, only missed one workout, then low and behold I may have fractured my scapula (that’s shoulder to those of you that were not addicted to ER in its heyday).

So, there I was, barreling down a hill on my bike at 48 mph in full aero position when a blind child darted into my path. I swerved and lost control…. No, I’m just kidding. I wish it was a cool story like that! Actually, I was at Cox Farm for Pumpkin Madness (this Northern Virginia place that does hay-rides, corn maze, pumpkin smashing, slides, rope swings, etc.) with Dude, his son, and his nephews. We were goofing around on the slide and I went to do a running jump so I could go really really fast. As I was landing I put my arm down to cushion the impact. When I got to the bottom I could no longer use my left arm. Searing pain, swelling, etc….

Went to the Dr. on Mon, got x-rayed and was told there may be a slight fracture. I’m now waiting for my CT results to find out for sure. The horrible pain and no mobility that was there on Sunday afternoon thru Tuesday is now gone. I can move “OK” and the pain has reduced to a constant ache. I can’t take the muscle relaxant during work hours because I will fall asleep, so by the end of the day I feel like someone used my shoulder for punching practice allllll day!

Needless to say, training is on hiatus. I will try to run on Sat. Swimming is out until the shoulder heals. And biking…well, I would be comfortable doing spinning but both bikes are being worked on (broke Ruby’s chain on Sunday before the shoulder incident and Grace is getting pimped out with new cables, pedals, and seat).

This SUCKS!!!!